Lessons from a Retired Server: What to Expect When You Stop Serving

A server’s mantra: “I CAN NOT still be serving when I’m 30, I need a “big girl” job.” We have all said this, right?

We all think that we are better than serving. We are not. When you finally get that “big girl” job, you’ll agree with me and unless you are doing something seriously cool, you’ll be back.

Here’s why:

1. You’re gonna get fat

When you are shopping for your new office attire, take my advice and be sure that everything you buy is stretchy. AT LEAST 15 pounds stretchy. Your body is used to burning roughly 750-1400 calories per shift. Your metabolism is going to freak out and the gym won’t protect you from this evil. Trust me.

2. You’ll be broke

That oh so desirable office job might pay $30/hour but it’s taxed and you won’t be able to pick up an extra shift after overspending on a drunken night out. Sure, you know exactly how much you are going to make every month but you’ll soon realize that you were making way more serving. You just didn’t know it because you never actually kept track…because you didn’t need to. No more shopping extravaganza’s after a glorious cash out.

3. Your self-esteem will suffer

As servers, we get confidence boosts alllll day long. Compliments about your amazing service, your smile, your hilariousness, your bum. Everything and anything that you have going for you is brought to your attention every single day. You will realize that you took that for granted and you will want it back.

4. You’ll miss the high

There is absolutely nothing that matches the intoxicating feeling of being in the weeds, coming out of it alive and then counting a pile of cash. Nothing. You feel super human. One day when you are out for lunch (because you need to get the eff out of your cubicle), you will see a server with a packed section and that familiar wild look in her eyes and everything in you will want to get up and help her. Not because you feel bad for her, but because you want to be her.

Leave a Reply