The 5 Types of People Who Approach the DJ Booth

Daren Denker | A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL | Web

1: The “It’s my friend’s birthday,” person

The old favourite: “It’s my friend’s birthday and she wants you to play the “Blah Blah song.” We all know this one. It’s one of the most common ways of people asking for a track. They think you’ll refuse any tune they ask for, so they pretend it’s their friend’s birthday to get you to agree. Of course, it’s rarely their birthday, or their friend’s.

2: Drunk guy that keeps coming back and repeating himself

One of the most common requesters is a drunk guy who is fixated on one tune that has nothing to do with the music you’re playing. It’s a tune that you could never play in any club or party, anywhere. Generally, this guy will have heard this tune a few days ago and will have fallen in love with it. So now, in his drunken state, he thinks you should play it. He’s annoying too, coming back and repeating himself, sometimes swearing if you don’t play it. Even when he gets distracted by a girl and goes away, he’ll eventually come back and ask again. You’ll tell him you don’t have the tune. He might see you have a laptop and tell you to play it directly from YouTube. Then he’ll try to plug his iPhone in and play it from that. Whatever happens, it must get played for him.

3: Girl (and friend) who keep coming back and insisting you play their music

Sometimes, there’s a girl who’ll keep on asking you for different tunes when you play. She’s had a few drinks but still knows what she’s doing and she knows her music a bit. And she’ll have a list of about 10 tunes that she’ll ask for at different points of the night. According to her, you must play them, because they’re so cool and trendy. “What, you don’t know these tunes?! They’re being played at all the clubs downtown!” This girl may get in a huff and disappears, then come back with someone to support her, as if it makes her more powerful. The person she’s with doesn’t really care if you play her track or not, but they pretend they agree with her if it makes their life easier.

 4: The Latin music requester

If you’re playing in a Latin country, or a Latin night, this probably doesn’t apply to you. Otherwise, on occasions, you may encounter a group of Latin-music lovers in your crowd. Guess what they want to hear? Yep… Whether you’re playing electro, house, hip hop or rock and indie they’ll come right up to you asking for Latin music. You could be a DJ at an underground jungle vibe party and they’ll still brazenly insist you put on pure Latin music right away. They’ve come all the way from Bogotá, Lima or Santiago just to ask for Latin sounds!

5: Person who asks for something but never knows what

This kind of requester can make you bang your head on the wall. They’ll ask you for something from the 80s, or they’ll ask for commercial chart house music, or something random. But the thing is, they have no idea what. They just know they want to ask you to play something, by someone. For them. If you ask them what it is they want, they don’t know. In fact, what they know about music is summed up nicely in their 20 seconds of blank expression that follows.

There’s a Special Place in Hell for Bachelorette Parties

It’s Friday, you just finished a long painful week of that 9 to 5 job you never planned on having after wasting 20 grand on a Bachelor of Arts degree that’s about as useless as the new kid running around town looking for a bucket of steam. Today is special though; today is Sandra’s last night as a free woman and your last chance at finding your plus one. It’s Bachelorette time.

You’ve rounded up the squad, which includes Tina, Lisa, Becky, Messica and of course Sandra to get white girl wasted before you even head out because we all know that 4 dollar highball is way too rich for your blood. Put on your sluttiest yet ‘classy’ dress and a sash over top that says bridesmaid as if all the sloppy life choices that are about to unfold doesn’t make it clear enough.

Three hours and ten tequila shots later and you head out reeking of booze. So you pop in a piece of Hubba Bubba Berrylicious Bubble Gum to try and hide the stench of brewery trailing behind you like a crop dusting at table 103. To everyone’s surprise, you get in. Even though Lisa is speaking in tongues and Messica did a faceplant at the front door. Don’t think you’re special. The bouncer just needs to add more chicks to the giant ratio of dicks.

You head to the bar and take 10 minutes deciding whether you want a Cosmopolitan or a god damned Mai Tai, asking the bartender what they think is the bee’s knees like they give two shits. Let’s cut the bull and order a Bud Lite like everyone else so they can serve the next guest.

Finally you all have a drink and cheers with an ear wrenching “WOOOO” that is white girl for, ‘give me attention’, But oh shit, you still have that wad of gum you’ve been chomping on like a beaver building it’s damn. What do you do? Fold it up in a coaster? Ask the bartender for a napkin? God forbid swallow something for once? Fuck no. You can’t take the risk that your knight in shining armour creepily pops out of the dark corner of the bar and sees you being human. Instead you swiftly cough it into your hand and stick it under the bar for us to scrape away at on a slow Christmas Eve shift. Merry fucking Christmas Adam.

Now you gotta get shots. Not just a normal Burt Reynolds or Pornstar. No, you each want a different shot no one has ever heard of and you want them all as a Muff Dive like a 16 year old girl going out with her fake ID for the first time. You are one step away from being that annoying girl with the birthday pin and a tiara. Grow the fuck up, you’re not 18 anymore. On top of that, I’m not splitting that into 6 separate checks. Buy rounds like a reasonable human being and then go home 15 minutes after last call. Not when we put all the lights on over every boy and girl to try and drop the hint that we want to go the fuck home.

Remember we are human too and some of us gotta go home to study for that useless Bachelor of Arts Degree we are wasting 20 grand on.

Now that my friend, is why there’s a special place in hell for you.

Adam Krzyski Byline Image

How to: Jerk Caesar

Ingredients:

1 thick slice of pineapple cut into wedges
1 full pineapple slice
2 lime wedges
1 small bunch of cilantro
2 ounces Maureen’s Natural Foods Jerk Sauce
½ ounce of Matouks Scotch Bonnet Pepper Sauce
2 oz of your favourite Vodka
1 tablespoon Ox Tail Seasoning
3 oz of Clamato
Several drops of Worcestershire Sauce

Recipe:

Muddle the pineapple wedges, lime, cilantro and jerk sauce. Fill the glass with ice and add the two shots of vodka, cover and shake shake shake. Grab your fancy Caesar glass and place upside down on the pineapple slice to moisten the glass rim and rim the glass in the Oxtail Seasoning. Strain mixture over your ice-filled, rimmed Caesar glass. Fill the glass with Clamato juice but leave space at the top. Drop in the Matouks Pepper sauce, Worchest..Lea & Perrins. Add a topper anything that is fun to eat with spicy and wont go limp when soaked in Caesar. Voila you’re ready to go! 

The Beast Whisky

Bryce Parsons | IF YOU DON’T KNOW | Web

Lets rewind to about year ago… the evacuation.

May 3rd 2016 will be remembered as a day that altered the history of Fort McMurray. An estimated 88,000 people were under mandatory evacuation as an untamed wildfire, titled The Beast, quickly surrounded the community. The blaze burned aggressively consuming 2400 homes, 2000 additional residencies and a total of 1.5 million acres of Northern Alberta boreal forest — by far the costliest disaster in Canadian history.

Brave firefighters fought back the flames ‘holding a line’ to protect the downtown core from being consumed and losing everything. Response and aid were unprecedented as news reached around the globe. Donations poured in to help the many displaced. Wood Buffalo Brewing Co. sits within the core of Fort McMurray. Within it, is Alberta’s most northern distillery quietly producing a moderately peated single malt whisky called Kavan — a homage to the founders 1st born.

The re-entry…

From June 1st to 15th, 2016 authorities allowed a phased re-entry into the community. For some, houses were untouched, for others, everything lost. The brewery was spared but sustained significant smoke damage. Among the smoke was a single pallet of peated malt sitting outside the brewery waiting to be turned into the next batch of Kavan Whisky. Caught in the havoc, these grains unwittingly absorbed the smoke.

Head Brewer Spike Baker was in charge of the brewery’s re-entry. For the past month, he was living off the charity given by friends, family, and everyone that helped while displaced. At the time, despite not knowing it, he was responsible for capturing time within a whisky bottle. Eventually titled — “The Beast”, after the fire.

Where are we now…

It is approximately a year later. Wood Buffalo Brewing Co. is operating once again, beer is flowing, the still is hot, and the community is rebuilding.

For this article I asked Spike to recall a conversation that was the start of “The Beast” Whisky

“I always think about the conversation between us when you came up with the idea. You had phoned me to ask how I was doing with the evacuation. We started discussing the brewery and possible loses, beers that we were going to have to dump due to power being out, etc. I mentioned that we had just received a new pallet of the peated malt but with the amount of smoke in town there would be no way it would be the same — we would probably need to bin it. You immediately saw the opportunity for something special.”

During cleanup the pallet of malt was discovered and saved. The malts’ quality was assured safe for use.

A whisky to be made!

the beast in story image
Image Courtesy of Leah Schwantz

We knew the whisky would be smokey. Not only was it already peated, it rested in forest fire smoke for over a month. We enlisted the help of Eddie Douglas, commercial director of Bairds Malt UK (the Scottish producer of the peated malt) to come and test the malt and confirm how much modification occurred. Spike mentioned, “As someone who follows the journey of that grain from seed to still and confirm just how much modification happened was huge”.

The next 5 years…

Over a career, distillers are part of creating numerous special releases, celebratory expressions, and personal offerings. However, it is very rare to be handed something that is influenced by tragedy.

The whisky is distilled and resting in 110L virgin american oak casks of various char levels. Off the still, the new make was dynamic with sweet peat smoke upfront followed by a dry smoke of pine and mint reminiscent of a summer campfire.

Once available, all proceeds will be donated to the Friends of the Fort McMurray Firefighters Charities Fund in honour of the firefighters saving the city and making this whisky possible.

Bottle count is only an estimation currently. However, a total 75 special release cask strength bottlings will be auctioned off biannually in-store and over the internet, until the whisky is removed from barrel in 2021. Bottles 1 through 10 collected a combined total of $44,000 for charity — a huge success to start off.

For all involved, Spike says it best;

“Working hand in hand with the fire department to ensure the whisky belongs to the community and can be used to remember the positives that came from this event; neighbours doing whatever it takes to help each other get out safely, the fire fighters numerous acts of heroism in saving the town and the generosity of the rest of the province and country in assisting us in our refugee status”.

This continues to be an incredibly rewarding project. As time goes on, this double smoked, 100% peated, Canadian malt whisky will be resting quietly as the community of Fort McMurray rebuilds and stories emerge.

To follow the story. Check in @woodbuffalobrew and on Facebook at Wood Buffalo Brewing Co.

Bryce Parsons Byline Image